The Man With A Hundred Faces
by The First Gokun
Summary: Oga has left Ishiyama, leaving Furuichi to take care of his position while he is gone. Centers around Furuichi and his own exploits. Not OgaxFuruichi.
1. A Brief Foreword

Synopsis of why Furuichi is the greatest character ever:

**OH DEAR LORD SPOILERS**

In the series _Beelzebub_, much of the charm is character based and developed over time. We love Oga as a main character for being sadistic and stupid, regardless of how ridiculous it seems for the 'good guy'. But lets take a look at who I consider the deuteragonist of the series, Furuichi. Before receiving his powers, he's plain and wimpy. He fights with his mind, which is how he eventually gained the title tactician, and tends to Ulysses his way out of most situations. In some ways, he seems like a representation of most other manga leads: mildly pervy, weak but not weak, clever, relatable, putting the David in David &amp; Goliath. If he wasn't the butt monkey Oga needed as motivation to get off his ass and start kicking ass, he might be a pretty solid main character.

After getting his powers, he becomes a total badass. The reveal that he resented enduring his life as the butt of every joke really struck home and made him a pitiable character with an amazing villain (?) arc. Now there's very little separating him and Oga in terms of strength; hell, they even go toe to toe for quite some time. Of course he returns to the team later, but those chapters are some of the greatest in the entire series and earned him respect from not only his friends and us readers but also the entire school district and Pillar Squad.

Thematically speaking, his powers are even crazier and more of a wild card than Oga's, who is _supposed_ to be a wild card. Furuichi plays like it's a game of Top Trumps and is a master strategist to boot. According to the last chapter of the manga, even his personality changes from fight to fight, which is _awesome_. The tissues of whatever-they're-called grant him connections with powerful demons, perfect for a tactician of his caliber. He's even on friendly terms with the Pillar team through mutual respect. He managed to impress Jabberwock, for Hell's sake.

A guest by the name of Delvin Dracul also pointed this out to me, so here is a direct quote:

_It's so good to see another fan who sees the greatness that is Furuichi Takayuki. He's my absolute favorite character in the entire series (and that's saying a lot considering all the good characters). You forgot to mention how he's a master at manipulation. He tricked the entire Ishiyama gang into looking for En, used the power of the Pillar Division to perfection, outsmarted Kunieda (and every other delinquent), and has even tricked Hilda! This man is a genius in every sense of the word._

In conclusion, Oga appeals to us as a character because he's both evil incarnate and an honorable delinquent, but Furuichi is neither. He doesn't fit in with the majority of the cast and is frequently left out (or wants to be left out). He represents the classic nice guy in manga and doesn't embody the same sort of craziness as the rest of his peers. He's like Nami from One Piece or Jafar from Magi, the rational foil to Oga's insanity. If this were any other manga he would probably be an all powerful harem king of his own. But it's _Beelzebub_, and we love Creepichi where he is, right next to Oga.

Not inside Oga, mind you. I have a very high tolerance for yaoi, butt fuck that.


	2. Chapter 1

Furuichi Takayuki threw on his trench coat and hat and went for a stroll. The air was cool and crisp, a sharp wind rustling through his silver hair and cutting across his cheeks. Maybe he should have gone out earlier, before it got so late. Goodness knows he would have liked to be back at home, lounging in bed, but an urgent call from an underclassman had forced him to give up on his evening plans of... well, it didn't really matter what exactly those plans consisted of.

_Honestly, I'd been waiting for months for that H-game. If Mom confiscates it before I get back..._

He shivered from both the biting wind chill and dark premonition. It wouldn't hurt if he picked up the pace...

By the time he arrived at the place, it was well past 7 o'clock. Ishiyama high school was an intimidating place after hours, filled with refuge seeking druggies and late night gatherings of teenage delinquents, cigarette smoke spilling from their nostrils as if they were all boiling hot water in their stomachs. Every shadow lengthened in the evening light and threatened to grab hold and drag you to the underworld, and Furuichi knew firsthand just how accurate those primal instincts were in their machinations.

He searched the shattered windows for a light, any at all, and found none. However, he did notice a pair of eyes nervously peering at him from one of the second floor classrooms.

_He thinks he's hidden. What a joke._

Though it did appear they had been expecting him. Good, he wouldn't have to bother with stealth.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a pack of tissues. He rolled them into plugs and stuffed them up his nose.

Suddenly the night wasn't so cold. In fact, he felt hot as hell.

"Graphel. Nice to see you."

"Let's make this quick," snapped the spiky haired demon. His eyes narrowed. "I don't waste time in squashing insects."

"Can't be helped. I'll admit it's a bit overkill, but we'll be finished soon enough."

Graphel bared his teeth in a vengeful grimace. "I'll turn them into a carnival of blood."

"Ye-yeah, let's hold back on the killing a bit," Furuichi stammered nervously. He really didn't enjoy his conversations with the hot headed Graphel. Compared to him, the silent Din or polite Vabam were far easier to manage; they helped out briefly, then exited without a single complaint.

_No point in getting all sore about it._

Furuichi planted his feet firmly on the ground, squatted low and jumped. That single leap took him straight up into the air, sending him crashing through the window with the sound of breaking glass and ripping fabric. Shit, his coat had caught on those ragged shards. He'd have to sew it up when he got home. Or get Honoka to do it... naw, he should get used to fixing these things himself. These wardrobe malfunctions were happening far too often nowadays.

Now that he thought about it, he wondered how Oga always managed to hold onto his pants no matter how crazy a battle got. They must have been made of the same materiel as the Hulk's shorts and Astro Boy's briefs.

Furuichi looked back and marveled at the height he had vaulted. That was one reason to appreciate Graphel's appearances: he always showed results. He wouldn't have gotten the same altitude with Kne or Wasboga because they simple didn't put as much effort into it. Graphel, however, could generally be counted on to bring his A game, perhaps out of spite for his opponents or perhaps out of pure vaingloriousness.

A creaking of floorboards brought his attention to the opposite corner of the room. Cluttered there were a half dozen or so heavily muscled men, each bearing a poorly designed tattoo of what appeared to be Oga's King's Crest. Judging from their stances they must have been from another nearby district, most likely part of the territory Oga had conquered a year ago.

"All right, let's get this under way," Furuichi began, mindful of the ever impatient Graphel breathing down his neck. "Who are you and why are you challenging me?"

The largest of the delinquents (_The__ silverback__ of the group_, Furuichi remarked), stepped forward and spoke. "We are freshmen from Hokkaido. We are here to challenge the reported successor of Oga Tatsumi."

Furuichi's jaw dropped.

"Hokkaido!? Are you serious? Isn't that, like, miles from here? The hell is with this pilgrimage you guys are doing? And who do you think you're fooling, pretending to be freshmen? You're obviously WAY older than me!"

Graphel facepalmed. The tactician had a bad habit of pointing out the obvious problems with any ridiculous situation. His tsukommi side started acting up or something.

"We are freshmen," the silverback boomed, "But that is not the point. We are here to depose you from your seat of command, general! Now that Oga has left, the seat of head delinquent is up for grabs!"

"AND YOU CAME ALL THE WAY FROM HOKKAIDO?" Furuichi retaliated. "And not only that, but you're a good seven months late! Oga's been gone for a damn long time already!"

"Well, it took us some time to put together the money for the trip..."

"Get your head straight! What the heck is with all the weirdos who come flocking to Ishiyama? Is Oga's name some kind of beacon for idiots?"

"But are you not the legendary idiot second-in-command?"

"Shut up!" he shouted, and punched the boy square in the jaw. The impact sent him flying through the wall and out of the school.

The others gaped.

_Shit. That may have been too strong.  
_

Another reason not to use Graphel: the demon's violent personality tended to rub off on him.

"We humbly beg forgiveness," they chorused.

"GO HOME!"

"Well, we're a bit low on bus fare..."

"OUT!"

The delinquents were airborne within seconds. Furuichi watched them spiral away comically.

"Good work, Graphel."

"I'm free to go now, right?"

"Yeah, yeah," Furuichi sighed, removing the noseplugs. The stern faced demon's image faded away and left him alone in the cold night, wind blowing in through the hole in the wall. Toujo would kill him if he found out he was ripping more holes in the building.

In all seriousness, when Oga had left several months ago and left Furuichi in charge of Ishiyama, there had been way too many delinquents coming to challenge his authority. The tactician had been going through several packs of tissues a week. Lamia could hardly keep up with the demand, but it had to be done lest Furuichi be torn limb from limb by ridiculously strong highschoolers.

_Honestly... what are they expecting to accomplish? There's no way anyone but Oga could control all those idiots out there._

Anyone but Oga...

Furuichi took the stairs on his way out, waving as casually as possible to the shady characters smoking in the abandoned hallways. He made his way home, the evening feeling even colder than before after the rush of heat Graphel's contract had given him.

Oga was gone. Furuichi was still there.

_Honestly... what am I expecting to accomplish?_

No one could fill Oga's shoes but Oga.

* * *

**THIS IS NOT A FURUICHIxOGA FIC. DON'T EVEN TRY TO TWIST MY WORDS LIKE THAT.**

**Thanks for reading! If there's anything you want to see from this story, feel free to suggest away. Leave a review to tell me what's what, and I hope you have a good day!**


	3. Chapter 2

Returning home several minutes later, Furuichi slipped out of his trench coat and snuck up the stairs. It would be rather uncomfortable for his family to get any ideas about him going out on the town in such shady attire. They already thought he was gay (or a pedophile, depending on who you asked), he didn't need any more help lowering their opinion of him.

He could smell dinner cooking. Nabe? At this time of year? That meant there wasn't much time left until dinner, and he'd have to keep that in mind. Slowly, he eased his way into his bedroom and turned on the lights.

To his surprise, someone was already waiting for him.

"GAH!"

"Calm down a little," muttered Lamia, her pink eyebrows drawing together in irritation.

"What are you here for!? I haven't done anything! I don't know about the pictures!"

"I'm going to ignore that last bit..." Her eyes narrowed suspiciously, but she sidestepped his perversion and went straight to business. "I'm only here to check up on you. Don't let your imagination carry you away."

Imagination? True, Furuichi had a powerful drive when it came to his fantasies. He let his eyelids droop, breathing in and assuming a meditative stance. This scenario would have played out so nicely if instead of the nurse a certain well endowed, red haired girl had been seated on his bed. He mentally closed the loli out of his consciousness and allowed his mind to wander.

_A beautiful girl in my room... waiting for me to return...  
_

Of course when he returned to reality, there was only Lamia.

"Shame..."

"I don't even want to know what you're thinking..." she grumbled, eyes narrowed in disgust. "Just get over here." She tapped the spot next to her on the bed.

"Eh?"

_What's with this AV-like scenario? Am I really a_ _lolicon? _Furuichi shuddered up and down. What would the Red Tails think? Actually, not much would change in that department...

"I need to extract the toxins from you, stupid. You've been using those tissues a lot less recently, so the daily visits have gone down to weekly, but it's still problematic when too much builds up inside of you."

"Woah, woah, daily visits? When did this happen? What extraction method do you use?" Despite his completely serious expression, his eyebrows were waggling up and down like window shutters in a hurricane.

She blushed. "Don't think dirty things! Do you _want _to go blind?" Furuichi relented and took a seat next to her, and she turned to him with crossed arms, keeping appropriate distance. "For the last few months, I've had to come over every night to apply a treatment Muumuu. You were far too reckless with your contracting as well."

_Aaaah, so that was why I kept waking up with no injuries._

The tactician recalled his earlier fights with Kanzaki, when he had gone home everyday with bruises of varying severity depending on which demon he had summoned that day. That stubborn guy had fought way too hard for the spot of Oga's second in command. Just because he had the first King's Crest, he thought he deserved the right to control Ishiyama in Oga's name.

"Ah, wait, please tell me you didn't come in through the front door. Or the wall, for that matter, as that's apparently something I need to watch out for around demons."

"Huh? Well, you were usually sleeping by then, so I just asked your mother to let me in."

Pause.

"What?" she asked, genuinely confused_._

Furuichi broke into a cold sweat. _Oh god, how long has this been going on for? My family is definitely taking this the wrong way. _He could just imagine Honoka and his parents whispering around the living room 'There's that girl again.' 'She comes here every night to see him.' 'Should we call the police?' 'Well, if she's coming here of her own accord...' 'But what if he's blackmailing her? Or he's deceiving her?'

He was surprised this hadn't come up at dinnertime. Now that he thought about it, he had been getting a lot of suspicious stares at home recently...

_Dammit, I thought I outgrew lolicon-furuichi!_

Though not much had changed at school either when he took over for Oga. Sometimes he felt like the position just held no prestige.

Furuichi shook his head free of depressing thoughts. He had finished with those for today. Yes, now was the nighttime, when perverts could be true to themselves without being judged by others... wait, what the heck was he doing acknowledging that he was a pervert?

"Today is a sad day for the King of Ishiyama..."

"You're still calling yourself that?" Lamia snorted. _Like I said, no prestige. _Maybe he was expecting too much, but being the one ingesting toxins to drive away challengers should have at least one or two positive consequences. Where was his harem, or at least his love triangle? Where were the idolizing freshmen singing his praises and begging him to mentor them (besides Yamamura of course, he was an exception)? Where was the mob character who went to fetch him his juice?

Furuichi sighed deeply, hanging his head. "I want to be a cliche banchou..."

"Who cares about that, just lie d-down!" She gave him a quick sucker punch and forced him to lie back on the mattress. He gasped for air as she, in a sudden turnaround, _gently_ applied the large gelatinous Muumuu to his chest. Ah yes, the most convenient blob on/under earth, even functioning through clothing and healing more or less all non-plot related illnesses. They also came in designer colors for some reason. Furuichi's favorite was deep red, like the one atop Lamia's head, the same shade of her cheeks.

"Hey Lamia..."

"Yeah?"

"Don't you think I'm working hard?"

She thought about it for a second. A little longer than a second. A little too long actually.

"Oi, oi, shouldn't this be obvious?" Furuichi asked, almost begging for sympathy. "That was, like, three panels worth of pausing right there!"

"Hold on... yes, I guess you could say that," she muttered, absorbed in her thoughts and paying him no heed as he slowly grew more desperate.

"How cruel! I've been fighting almost every day for the past three months! How can you not see how difficult this is?"

"Well, you don't exactly _need_ to fight," she advised. "I'd feel a lot better if you didn't get in trouble as much as you do. I mean, you're just creating more work for me!"

What did she mean by 'you don't need to fight'? Of course he needed to fight, he was filling in for Oga. Oga took on every challenger that came his way with a smile and never looked down on people who tried hard. Oga went through all of this without relying on demon contracts or treatment Muumuus. That's why he had to go out to meet anyone who wanted to prove their strength. He had no right to decline. Frankly, he didn't want to decline.

Furuichi smiled awkwardly and pushed the issue aside. Lamia was very stubborn when it came to her patient's health, at least from what he had seen. Besides, if he contradicted her she might crush his gut again, and he didn't want that. Despite her frail-looking, childlike body, her punches were killers.

"Still, don't you think I deserve some sort of reward for taking care of things so well for Oga?"

"Ask Oga to give you something. He's the one you're helping out."

"Eheheh, don't joke about that. My heart is breaking."

"Hmmm, a reward..."

"Yeah, yeah!" he pressed, excited by the prospect of any form of compensation. _Ah, to be appreciated is such bliss! _"Something small, nothing too serious, just a little thing."

"Nothing serious..."

"Yeah, like a harem!"

Lamia practically coughed up blood. By the time she recovered, her raucous wheezing had turned into peals of laughter.

"A HAREM? BWAHHAHAHAHAAHAHAAAHAA! IS THAT WHAT YOU WERE EXPECTING FOR BEING THE KING OF ALL ISHIYAMA'S IDIOTS?"

"When you put it like that, it sounds like a bad thing..." he mumbled out of the side of his mouth.

She abruptly stopped laughing. "No way, it'll never happen, absolutely impossible."

"Don't just get all serious on me all of a sudden! What's with this sudden change in tone? I feel like a man on his deathbed! Is this the death of my harem dream?"

"Don't just say ridiculous things for no reason. Aren't you the tsukkomi?"

"Why does everyone keep saying that? Even Graphel called me that!" He brought a hand to his chin pensively. "Now that I think about it, if I'm the tsukkomi that makes Oga the boke, right? Then what am I when he's not around? Am I like a long black kneesock with no pair?"

"Is that another one of your fetishes?" she asked accusingly.

"Big time."

They sat in silence for a moment.

"Am I really worth nothing without Oga?"

"Of course not," she soothed.

"Wow, you can actually be a nice person."

"_Don't push it,_" she growled. "What I'm saying is that... you have your own... special charm."

"There it is. Special. That one word which says so little and yet so much."

"Unique?"

"That's worse, please stop." Looking closely, one might have noticed his soul escaping his body in desperation. He had hit an all time low. _That's all folks, nothing to see here. One unique pervert with no coattails to ride on._

"Hell, you are so difficult. Fine," Lamia said, searching for one good thing to say about him. "How about... you're smarter than Oga."

"Everyone's smarter than Oga."

"Take what you can get."

Furuichi gave up. "Are you almost done yet? I have things I want to do."

"Yeah... sure..." she muttered suspiciously. _Don't give me that look. Who are you, my parents? _She peeled off the treatment Muumuu and rolled it back into a semi-solid spheroid shape. "Here we are, good to go. Just get some rest and take it easy." Giving him one final slap on the chest, as if christening a ship, she hopped off his bed and made her way out.

He watched her all the way to the door and waited until he could hear her footsteps going down the stairs. He exploded out of bed and went straight for his secret stash.

_Now, maybe we can salvage my 'evening plans'. _

* * *

"Takayuki, it's time to ea~t." Honoka trudged halfway up the stairs to call her brother. "We're having hot pot. You like hot pot, right? Come on down."

No response.

_Oh god, not this again._

She forced herself to clamber up the stairs and call again. "Takayuki~. Come o~n."

Nothing.

_Oh no._

She tiptoed warily down the corridor and stopped in front of his room.

"Takayuki?"

Through the door, she could hear muffled sobs.

"TAKAYUKI!" she shouted, throwing open the door. "I SWEAR TO GOD, IF THIS SICK FETISH DOESN'T STOP-"

Honoka paused. Her brother was kneeling next to his drawer chest. One compartment had been turned entirely inside out in a frantic search.

"Everything... she took everything..." he wept.

Honoka looked on with dead eyes.

"I was wondering why she was here so early... that damned Lamia..."

"Nii-san. Dinner is ready," Honoka spoke monotonously. She turned and exited robotically, visibly shaken.

The dinner table was oddly silent.

* * *

**To Delvin Dracul, because you reviewed the story as a guest and I can't reply to you any other way: Thank you thank you thank you for your positive feedback! Personally, I would love to see Tamura show us his version of Furuichi's reign of terror. Okay, not so much terror as the reign of, I dunno, naval exposure or something. ("Good naval exposure!") As for what I think it would be like, well I'm hoping to capture that in this fic. I'm pretty sure it would be just like normal, but with Furuichi being the one challenged by the crazies who come after Oga.**

**On the subject of Lamia: it should not be a surprise to anyone that she likes Furuichi. I will try to play it down to the best of my ability, but the shipper in me is strong. I'll make an effort to control myself, so bear with me on that. This romance is not the main point of the story (at least in my mind), but it may come into play depending on what the reaction is.**

**This chapter addresses a slight problem of Furuichi's: those tissues are actually a bit toxic, and repeated use poisons the mind. They're kinda like cigarettes, but luckily Lamia is super goddamned convenient for these kinds of things. I just wanted to address how this predicament would get resolved.**

**If you have any ideas for how this story should play out (both Delvin-ku~n and other readers who want to see this continue) feel free to leave a review or PM me. Thanks for reading again, and have a nice day!**

**REMEMBER, NO OGAXFURUICHI. I SEE TOO MUCH OF IT. ITS NOT THAT I DON'T LIKE YAOI, I JUST CAN'T SEE OGA AS A CARING LOVE INTEREST OF ANY SORT.**


	4. Chapter 3

Furuichi ambled lazily to school. Spring was right around the corner, but it was still annoyingly cold in the mornings. He was tempted to just pop another tissue to feel the familiar warmth of his demon contract, but decided against it. _God, now I'm thinking like Oga; that would be completely overkill._

Rubbing his hands together, he sighed and found that his breath condensed into fog. _Raaaah, Dragonichi._

Could he breathe fire one day? Maybe there was a demon out there who could help him with that...

Furuichi turned the corner, thinking to himself, when his Furuichi senses began to tingle. The smell of thick, unladylike masculinity? A familiar red ponytail? With his patented ero vision, he zoomed in on the leader of the sexiest street gang around, the Red Tails.

"Oomori~" he called. "Good morning~"

She looked over her shoulder, shuddered and surged ahead, picking up her pace to a more brisk march.

"Ah! Oomori! Where are you going? Oh, Tanimura too! Good morning~"

"Good morning," the stoic girl replied in her usual rough, cold way, "Trash."

"If you could stop with the nicknames..." he laughed awkwardly. "Your dere side just gets no action anymore."

"I wasn't aware I was pigeonholed into such a character type, Trash."

_Hurtful! Ah, but she did capitalize it. At least I'm not just any old trash._

His eyes darted to the spot usually occupied by Absolute Territory, and his amiable smile fell. _Just another reason to hate winter; less exposed skin!_ _Damn you winter gods!  
_

"Trash, could you stop staring at my legs, Trash."

"You're overusing it. At this rate it won't even sound like a word anymore," he laughed, brushing off the attacks.

"Trash makes a good point. I should switch frequently between nicknames, so as not to wear one out to quickly."

_Ugh._

"Ah, but Oomori ran away from me. Shame~ Well, I've got Tanimura to keep me company, so it's fine."

"Don't be ridiculous. I have shorter legs, so I cannot run as fast as Nene. Rather, Furuchin has been making an effort to keep up with me."

It was true. He had to trot along at a considerable pace to keep up with the agile Chiaki Tanimura. Their whole conversation had taken them less than a minute, but they were already fast approaching the school. His dragon breath was all going to waste and trailing behind him, getting thinner and thinner as his breath grew more ragged.

"Well, *pant* I just wanted to say good morning to a friend on the way to *pant* school," he gasped, shrugging aside their fervent attempts to leave him behind.

"Mobichi decided to chase after a young woman he saw in the street," she muttered, practicing her report to the Red Tails. "She was somewhat short, playing to his loli fetish."

"You're twisting the facts to make it as *pant* accusing as possible. I'm not so horrible as that. They'll never believe it was me. My friends have absolute faith in me!" he declared proudly, tightening a fist in his determination.

She was silent for a moment. He looked over and saw the expressionless girl covering her mouth to simulate the concealment of laughter.

"Your silence is so much crueler than your insults."

Jeez, why was he still running? His mood was slowly plummeting, and talking with cute girls wasn't so worth it when their mouths were so foul. Why did he keep convincing himself to work to associate with these women when he only got scorn in return. Was it anywhere near satisfying enough?

He eyed Tanimura's slender legs and reminisced back to early fall. Oh yeah, it was worth it. Maybe he could take a break from the woman chasing until spring finally came... no, he couldn't wait that long!

"Please stop nodding, Lolichi. Your inexplicable approval is grossing me out."

He gave her a playful thumbs up and wink. "Furuichi approved!" She responded by narrowing her eyes slightly, an amazing change for the alleged kuudere, no doubt oozing with utter disgust.

"*pant* I guess I'll see you around *pant* Tanimura."

"Hopefully not, Trash."

Furuichi groaned and screeched to a stop. "You... *pant* ...you wish!" he called jovially to her as she dashed away.

As the girl's running figure faded into the distance, he put his hands on his knees and took a moment to catch his breath.

_All this chasing after girls is good cardio. Why am I not on the track team yet?_ Well, besides the fact that Ishiyama High had no track team of any sort, practically no organized sports and very few clubs of any kind. Those that did form only donned semi-official sounding names for what were really just violent gangs: Karate club, Judo club, Anger Management club, et cetera. Even the Literary club was a fearsome organization, half of whose members struggled with middleschool level Kanji.

It was a marvel if any of Ishiyama's sports teams defeated another school's team, as by the end of the first round they would be disqualified for fighting not only with the opposing team but amongst themselves. The only reason the students (if you could call them that) were so athletic was their obsessive desire to fight, not a devotion to goals or dreams. In the end, nearly every teenager who attended the school famous for its 120% delinquency rate either gave up or had already given up on their futures in favor of spilling blood on school hallways and feeling another kid's face against their knuckles. There was no coming back once Ishiyama got you: the kill-or-be-killed environment sapped away a person's humanity and turned them into dangerous monsters.

Yes, even the girls. And unfortunately, only their personalities went loco. _You'd think they'd be better dressers..._

And to think, he fought side by side with demons. In reality, he was probably the purest, gentlest person in the whole school. He should be given an award for surviving through so many years next to these animals and escaping with his only flaw being slight perversion. Slight.

The thought filled him with hope. Yes, Furuichi was the indomitable tactician. He would not lose himself to the forces of stupidity. He could graduate untainted by battle-craziness and become a respected individual.

He mentally cheered himself on, exhaling deeply. _Dragichi will take flight!_

Furuichi eventually arrived at school thirty minutes late, but who really gave a damn?

* * *

The lunch bell rang like a weak doorbell, only heard thanks to the fact that no teachers were giving lessons. Furuichi waved his sunny goodbyes to the bilious Red Tails and ambled out the door to the bathroom.

_Ahaha~ Everyone came to school today. They didn't even use their separate room, they used the homeroom. What a beautiful garden of women this is..._

As he turned the corner to head downstairs, his daydreams were stopped short by the sudden appearance of a monster.

"GWAH!"

"FURUICHI!"

Oh yeah, not everyone had been in the classroom, just the girls. He had forgotten to account for this idiot.

The face that Hajime Kanzaki used to greet Furuichi could be described as no less than demonic. His pierced lip was curling down like the grimace of a Namahage, very fitting for this epitome of ruthless, good-for-nothing delinquents. Of all the commonplace thugs in the area, only Kanzaki was strong enough to rise into the Tohoshinki while still retaining the attitude of the average Ishiyama student. In a sense, he was the representative of every stupid, brutish, sadistic, cruel, stupid, battle-crazy and stupid delinquent ever. No code of honor like Tojo, no endless calm like Kunieda, no dastardly cunning like Himekawa, only the savagery of a lion remained in the mind of this man...

...who was currently bearing down on Furuichi like a freight train.

"FURUICHI, YOU BASTARD!" Kanzaki hollered, the veins in his neck bulging.

"KANZAKI, YOU BASTARD!" Furuichi replied with similar volume. _Eh? What? Why am I already making things worse?_

"HOW DARE YOU TALK TO ME THAT WAY!"

"HOW DARE YOU TALK TO _ME _THAT WAY!"

"I'M BACK TO DEFEAT YOU!"

"I'M... wait, what?"

"You heard me!" the delinquent declared, finally turning off his caps lock. "I've been training for a month to take Ishiyama from you!"

"Eh? Well, you didn't show up at school for a while, that's true..."

"Mmm, mmm." Kanzaki nodded for confirmation and pivoted on his left foot to show off his biceps. The flexing definitely did it's work, as Furuichi could see the bulging muscle even through the former's loose hoodie. He was struck by a sudden childish desire to poke the other boy's arm, but decided against it.

"And now," he began, pointing threateningly at Furuichi, "I'm back to take Ishiyama from you!"

"Is that all you think about?!" Furuichi shouted. "I thought we went over this, I'm just holding down the fort until Oga comes back!"

"Do you take me for a fool? I'm the one who should have that title!"

"What title?!"

"The King of Ishiyama!"

_Oooh, its capitalized. Sounds way better than Trash._

"Wait, if that's my title, how come you don't call me that?"

"Psssht," the delinquent snorted. The look on his face clearly said, _What, seriously?_

"Hey! Don't sneer at me, I'm being serious! Why don't I get any recognition around here?"

"Does any of that matter? I'll beat your ass and become the Leader of All Students of Ishiyama."

"That's _another_ cool name that no one ever calls me!"

"Prepare yourself, you bastard!"

"I'm not afraid of you anymore, jackass! Let's get this over with!" Furuichi roared, reaching for his pocket.

"Don't you dare look down on-"

A clopping noise sounded from downstairs, and the principal ascended the flight of stairs with his arms crossed behind his back. He had his signature straw hat on, and his sleeves were covered in dirt stains.

He passed between the two boys, stopped, and bowed to the both of them.

Kanzaki and Furuichi bowed back.

The principal walked on up the next flight of stairs, raising his hand to twirl his mustache.

They waited until they could no longer hear his footsteps.

"You bastard!"

"Asshole!"

Furuichi dove his hand into his back pocket and whipped out two tissues. He rolled them quickly and pressed them into his nostrils as he evaded Kanzaki's first attack, a simple jab, with a quick lunge backwards.

A familiar warmth flooded into his veins, setting his blood aflame. He smiled. Yes, this was the feeling of strength. With this, he didn't have to be afraid of some low level boss like Kanzaki. He could sense power flooding into his arm as he drew back his fist and prepared for the swing.

"I'm the fifth pillar, Elim!"

...

"Prepare yourself, baddie!" the little girl proclaimed in her ghostly form, gripping tight to Furuichi's back and brandishing her gnarled staff. Her witch's hat tipped to the side ever so slightly.

"Goodbye, Elim."

"Huh? Wha-"

The little demon girl's image fizzled away as he popped the tissues out of his nostrils.

_Let's try this again,_ Furuichi thought, and drew another, fresh pair of tissue rolls from his side as dramatically as possible.

"QUIT IT WITH THE TISSUES!" Kanzaki yelled, kicking forwards with his heel. Furuichi sucked in his gut, practically going blue in the face, and rolled back away from his furious opponent.

"Summon!" He jammed the tissues up his nostrils for the second time.

"Jeez~ What a pain~"

_Fucking Kne..._

The beret-wearing, cigarette smoking demon hovered over his shoulder, tossing his long black hair around playfully. "So what~, we gonna fuck this guy up or something?"

"I swear to..." Furuichi began, but another heel kick from Kanzaki forced him to duck to avoid having his skull bashed in. Well just from him being here, Kne was already helping at least a little; Furuichi's speed and reaction times had begun to speed up.

"What, if you don't like me then break the damn contract. Call someone else for this lame crap."

"I'm trying to conserve these tissues," Furuichi mumbled to his partner while dodging Kanzaki's attacks. Was it just him or were they speeding up?

"Cool~" the demon drawled lazily. _God, this guy never takes anything seriously._

The tactician flipped back and somersaulted down the hallway, putting some distance between himself and Kanzaki. Now the fight was heavily in his favor, so he could press the advantage quickly before the brute realized he had powered up. He cracked his knuckles and drew back once more. Kanzaki charged down the hall at him, leaping and aiming a flying Double Heel Kick (patent pending) at the white haired boy's solar plexus. Furuichi reacted quickly, slipping to the side and opening the way for his enemy to go crashing into the wall. Reading Kanzaki's moves was easy already, so it only got better with demon enhancement.

Kanzaki's leg damn near sank into the wall, accompanied by an enjoyable crunching noise.

"WTF!" Furuichi's mouth gaped and he blanched like an old photograph. "WHAT KIND OF TRAINING DID YOU GO THROUGH? JESUS, THAT WAS ALMOST OGA LEVEL DESTRUCTION!"

"Hey," Kne growled. "Watch your mouth. I'm right here you know."

"Ah, sorry."

"Moreover, that was a perfect opportunity to attack. Why are you wasting more of my time by being impressed by this dolt?"

"Ehehe~" Furuichi chuckled. "I guess my tsukkommi side is really strong."

"STOP TALKING TO YOURSELF AND FIGHT ME!" Kanzaki thundered, his chain vibrating with his intensity. He aimed another heel kick at the tactician and nailed him in the gut. Furuichi gasped for air and wheezed. He fell on his hands and knees.

"Fuck... that really hurt..."

"Come on, I know you can still fight." Kanzaki kicked the fallen Furuichi in his stomach, knocking him into a hallway wall.

The rubble cleared and Furuichi stood up again. He cracked a shaky smile.

"I wasn't lying. That hurt like a bitch. You really are getting stronger, Kanzaki." But a kick of that caliber still wasn't enough to overcome Furuichi, even with a low level demon contract. He set his ready stance.

"Let's go."

"Don't fight me like that, dumbass. I don't want to come at a guy who's using a bad crane stance."

Furuichi stopped posing. _Damn, Kne's casualness is rubbing off on me! This is dangerous!_

The two dashed at each other. Furuichi was still the faster, and juked left before going right and swinging hard with his dominant hand. The blow brushed past Kanzaki's hair as he ducked down and made to kick the tactician's legs out. Furuichi jumped over the attack and braced himself against the ceiling before jumping down at Kanzaki fist first, striking the delinquent on the jaw. He measured the strength of impact, judged the damage and flipped backwards, retreating once more.

"Nice shot, dude~," the demon teased.

"Kne, please tell me that was the most strength you could put out." Suddenly, Furuichi's tone was deadly serious.

"It's not my fault that you can't handle all my power."

"Bullshit. I handled Jabberwock just fine. You're slacking off again." Furuichi shot Kne a look over his shoulder, his pupils contracting into pinpoints of smoldering coal black. The demon was shaken ever so slightly; the tactician was right, he was to blame. Kne was not a disrespectful guy. He knew how strong Jabberwock was, and like most Pillars respected Furuichi for his endurance and intelligence. Tales about the boy had also been circulating around the Squad, stories about him using a demon's specific technique forcefully and containing the power of Behemoth.

At the very least, he shouldn't lie to a man like that.

"Sorry. If you needed me to go full force, you just had to say." Kne said this with a surrendering sigh.

"You still said sorry though. Don't play aloof with me. Besides," Furuichi muttered, ducking under another Kanzaki Heel Kick and around a flurry of jabs, "Kanzaki is coming at us with all he's got. It wouldn't kill you to be a little more serious. Right?"

"Yeah, yeah, sure." Kne waved the tactician's words aside and groaned. This was going to suck so much.

Furuichi cracked a pleasant smile. Despite what he had assumed, he could handle demons and humans just fine by now. Kanzaki and him would laugh about this later. Possibly. Kanzaki didn't laugh much in the first place.

A new wave of energy poured into Furuichi's system, revitalizing him. With the power of pure adrenaline, that nasty kick from a little back felt like nothing. He rode this tide of invigoration forwards and charged, ducking around more of Kanzaki's swings. The delinquent attempted a hammer fist, but Furuichi slipped around the explosive attack and sank his fist into Kanzaki's gut. The other boy coughed and spluttered.

"Payback."

"Now you're talking," Kanzaki wheezed, and returned the blow to Furuichi's shoulder, just barely missing a direct hit. That may very well have dislocated his arm if he was entirely human. Furuichi powered past his opponent's outstretched fist and jumped, striking Kanzaki in the cheek. Kanzaki replied with a kick to Furuichi's side, and they continued this back and forth.

"I have to say, you're a lot weaker than Hecadoth," Furuichi said, tossing a grin at his demon ally.

"Man~, don't say that~. Such a bummer."

"You don't have another trick to pull? At this rate- UGH" Furuichi's whispering was cut short by a solid punch in the chest, knocking a bit off the wind out of him. "At this rate I'll lose. Do you want to be the only demon to lose me a fight?"

"Fuck you." Kne was starting to breathe hard, despite being in a ghostly form. Crap, why was the tactician siphoning so much power into this fight? So stupid. Why couldn't Agiel pick up these contracts or something? She seemed to enjoy them at least...

"Just one good distraction, one good... combo breaker. That's all I need."

"Yeah, I've got one."

...

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"WELL, WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME? I COULD'VE FINISHED THIS A WHILE AGO IF YOU'D JUST BEEN SERIOUS ABOUT THIS FROM THE START!"

"QUIT PUTTING ME DOWN IN YOUR CONVERSATION WITH YOURSELF!" Kanzaki punched Furuichi solidly in the jaw and sent him flying through a classroom window. He walked around and into the room through the door, kicking the nearest desks out of the way to clear their battlefield.

"Please, just _use_ it. What's your trick?" Furuichi whispered.

"Alright, here, I'll just tell you what to do..."

"ORA, ORA, ORA, ORA! QUIT THE CHATTER AND FINISH ME LIKE YOU SAID YOU COULD!" Kanzaki came barrelling straight for him, backhanding desks to the side on his warpath towards Furuichi.

"Got it."

Kanzaki dashed forwards for the reengagement. He leaped into the air and lunged feet first at Furuichi.

"DOUBLE HEEL KICK!"

"THAT'S A LAME ASS NAME FOR YOUR FINAL ATTACK!"

Furuichi shouted out at the oncoming Kanzaki and smoke poured from his mouth, flooding the area immediately around him like a grenade. The delinquent shielded his eyes and struggled to find footing as he crashed into the blinding gas. He thrashed around, unable to see.

"WHERE ARE Y-" he choked. The gas was suffocatingly thick and smelled horrible, like cigarette smoke. He didn't even see the final blow coming.

When the gas cleared, Furuichi was removing the tissues from his nose. Kanzaki was passed out on the floor, covered in bruises with his hoodie torn at the seams.

"Thanks, Kne."

"Don't call me again. I'm tired~."

"Yeah, sure," Furuichi said.

"You owe me for that one. Badness, that was _horrible_!"

"Yeah, working can kind of suck sometimes. We'll meet up again or something."

"NO, I JUST SAID I DIDN-"

Pop. Out came the tissues.

He looked at the unconscious Kanzaki. _Well, at least he tried._

Maybe not all the students at Ishiyama were ambitionless. Kanzaki certainly had something he was fighting for.

But the point still stood. Ishiyama High was a place which sucked the life from youth.

Someday he would escape it.

For now, he just had to embrace it.

* * *

**AAAAAH HOLY CRAP LONG ASS CHAPTER**

**More fight scenes! More demon contracts! More character interaction! I took a few artistic liberties here and there, making Kanzaki the violent but ambitious gang leader and Kne the lazy but respectful demon Pillar. I figure its a bit easier because we don't see much of the minor Pillars in both the manga and anime, so I have room to work off of the basic personalities Tamura gave us. ****The Red Tail interaction is just to show how things are the same as always, with them either avoiding or putting down Furuichi for being kinda sorta totally gross. Tanimura-san is supposedly a kuudere (well, at least she's got the kuu part down).  
**

**If ANYONE has ANY problems with this characterization, PLEASE tell me. Totally serious, I am not just making this series for myself (unlike my other stories), this time I'm focused on making it the best quality I can for everyone who wants to see what happens. On the same topic, ANYONE with ANY suggestions for future chapters or revisions is free to review/PM me. I am very focused on reader feedback, and it'll help the series become better in general, so thanks in advance :D**

**Many thanks to Delvin Dracul sama~, who I can only thank through this AN because he posts as a guest, for your uplifting reviews and helpful advice. It really makes my day when I see you post :3  
**

**Finally, I wanted to play around a little with the capabilities of the Pillar Squad and demon tissues. This is kind of a problem: some demons are worth the contract (Hecadoth) and some are totally worthless (Elim). That being said, is it okay if I give certain demons extra strengths to augment Furuichi with (example: allowing Furuichi to see invisible demons with Agiel's power or Kne being able to emit second hand smoke for a blinding field of gas)? I don't want to cross any lines with my fic, so just tell me and I'll tone it back or rewrite it.**

**BTW, Agiel definitely shows up later, along with Hecadoth. She's just too damn awesome to not show up (or maybe the shipper in me is going slowly insane. no, stop! Not the canon! ANything but the canon whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy)  
**

**Thanks for reading! Please review and good night! :D**

**Good god am I tired.**


	5. Chapter 4

**So sorry for the long delay. Here is a cute fluffy chapter to make up for it :3**

* * *

"I'm home~"

The house answered back with a deafening silence.

Furuichi climbed the stairs to his room and walked to his room, gently fingering his injuries to gauge the pain. A normal student might have swung their bookbag onto the bed, slid into their desk chair and started their homework, possibly before going to cram school. A normal _teenager_ would have hopped out of their uniform and onto a mattress to text their friends or set up a group date. Furuichi did neither of those things. Sure, he was a student and a teenager, but he fell short of one simple qualification: normality.

Was Furuichi normal? For the longest time he had done next to nothing with his free time, a permanent member of the Go Home Club. He'd never really pursued any extracurricular activities, never had many other friends, never even owned a cellphone because his parents knew it would only be taken from him or damaged to the point of no return.

He stepped around the bookbag which had gathered dust next to his bed for the past year. Was it because Oga had been there that he was the way he was? What could he have done outside of the delinquent's circle of friends? Maybe he would have gone to St. Ishiyama. Maybe he would have gotten better grades, or a parttime job to buy those games he wanted but couldn't always afford. He would have joined a club to ward off the loneliness of perversion and met other people who understood him, respected him. He might have found his passion for life in a completely unexpected place.

He might have known what he was doing with his life.

Furuichi stripped off his coat and shirt to change into something more comfortable. Throwing on a t-shirt and shorts, he dropped into a crosslegged position on the floor. No need to study; all it took to pass a test at Ishiyama High was minimal effort and a half decent brain. What would he do today? Play videogames? Get acquainted with the new... graphic novels he had bought on the way home? Go outside and hunt for ladies?

Day to day pleasures, the lot of them. Nothing changed between yesterday and today, today and tomorrow. No goals, no dreams. Well, except for one...

_Lady Hunting it is._

He reached under his bed for a benign looking cardboard box and dragged it out with minor difficulty. The side read _School Photos_, innocuous enough. Lifting the top revealed only the middle school photo album handed out at the end of the year.

_One day_, he thought, _one day I'll get to show this to a girl. My cliche romcom scene will be complete!_

He reached in and began to pull out the stack of albums before a rattling noise froze him in place. Furuichi's eyes darted to the window and to the door, listening for the source.

Silence. The same deafening silence he had come home to, only now throbbing to the beat of his heart.

_All clear._

He lifted the albums to reveal his _true_ collection. A camera, a long range lens, and... BEAUTIFUL BOUNTIFUL BUTTS! Piles of photos, all painstakingly taken from every angle he could sneak in! St. Ishiyama girls, Ishiyama High girls, older girls (no younger girls, he made a point of that) and one rather feminine looking teenage boy who he hadn't recognized as male at the time. Every kind of behind, breast and midriff a young man could fantasize about! Valhalla a la erotica!

Furuichi stopped drooling over his mound of mounds for a second to grab his camera. A true artist always has his tools at the ready. Replacing the photo album on top of his collection, he shoved the box back under his bed and stood up to go hunting.

One step, and something small and fluffy bumped into his chest.

Oh shit.

Shakily, he turned his head to look down at what he had run into. A red Muumuu stared back at him.

Oh shit.

Furuichi scrambled backwards, tripping over his bed, trying to put distance between him and the tiny intruder. Lamia gazed at the space under his bed intently.

"When... when did you get here? What did you see?"

"What an impressive collection..." she said, eyes deadened by disgust.

"Ehehehe, thank you~..." He rubbed the back of his head, half in genuine gratitude, half in awkward confusion. Where's the punch going to come from? He knew it was on the way. Just get it over with!

"You must have worked..." She paused, and sighed. "...for a long time to put that together." Her little hands were trembling, fighting against her composure for a chance to swing at his face.

"I guess..." he laughed, trying to throw off the lethal aura she was emitting. "Oh, wow, I'm so embarassed..."

Wait! He had to save the camera from her beating! He reached to his bedside table to put away the device.

"I wonder..." she whispered, freezing him in place with the stone cold chill of her voice.

"W-w-what?"

She whipped out her pistol.

That was not the punch he was expecting.

"I wonder how much I can shoot off without killing you."

Furuichi dropped the camera. It tumbled to the floor in slow motion and struck home with a thunk. That was a dent he was never going to get out, but he had more important dents to worry about. Specifically, dents in his skin. And by dents, he meant bullet wounds.

"NOW HOLD ON A SECOND! LET'S NOT BE TOO HASTY HERE!"

"YOU HOLD ON! WHAT WERE YOU GOING TO DO WITH THAT CAMERA!"

He pokerfaced, and she followed suit. Damn, she was good at that. They held each others' gazes for as long as possible before Furuichi finally broke down, probably from the gun pointed in his direction.

"That's... none of your business."

"Tell me."

"Never. I will not compromise my pure and pristine reputation."

"Give it up, Creepichi."

Furuichi shed a single tear on the inside. Why did she love to hurt him so?

"Never."

"Who has the gun here?"

"I'm not locked in here with you, you're locked in here with me." He _hmph_ed indignantly.

"Go ahead and try me."

"I will not be coerced by violent means such as this."

She pointed at the ceiling and fired. Little chunks of plaster rained down on his head.

_Pokerface, pokerface. _Hopefully she hadn't picked up on his shaking. Dammit, how could he combat Lamia? He reached surreptitiously for the pocket he kept the tissues in, then stopped. What was there to gain from fighting Lamia? If she didn't shoot him right off the bat, he would essentially be beating up a little girl. He could almost hear the people calling him new nicknames.

A choice between _Creepichi _and _Wifebeater-kun_. The shittiest moral dilemma, indeed.

_Wait, that's it! The power of Creepichi!_

Furuichi, holding his pokerface, stood up slowly and moved his hands in a circle in the air.

"Wh... what are you doing?"

He turned his hands, hypnotically, advancing on Lamia.

"Wait... stay back! We can't do this here!" Lamia brandished the gun, but her resolve was shaken. It was clear to even the untrained eye.

_Now! _Furuichi dived forwards-

And grabbed his bag. He whisked out a... graphic novel and held it in the air above his head.

"Power of Creepichi, level one! Erohon attack!"

Lamia blushed. "What the hell is that about!"

"I know you're weak to the power of ecchi, Lamia! Give it up! If you take one step closer I'll..." he fingered the corner of the front cover, threatening to turn the page. The fleshy folds of this porn magazine were his salvation! _Thank you, gods of porn._

"No, you idiot! Put it away!"

"Never!" he repeated, this time with far more confidence. He let loose with a hearty laugh. "Surrender to the power of Ero!"

"Don't come any closer with that... dirty thing! I'll shoot! I'll do it!"

"Fool, the power of Ero is immune to such brutish means!"

_Bang_

A hole formed in the middle of the book, right through where the cover girl's left breast used to be.

"Scratch that, not immune."

_Bangbangbangbang_

His magazine was torn to shreds before his eyes. A single tear fell. His last line of defense, shattered.

"I'm probably going to regret this move, aren't I."

She nodded and aimed the gun at his forehead, still blushing furiously.

_Bang_

* * *

Furuichi woke up laid out on the floor, groaning. A voice above him called out softly.

"Erohon-chan..." he muttered. "Is that you?"

A heaving pain in his gut woke him from his fantasy. He bolted up straight and spluttered for air.

"Who's this Erohon-chan, eh?" Lamia sneered, dusting off her punching fist. Furuichi could only cough in return.

"But really, why are you so..." she faltered, searching for the right word as he recovered his breath, "...stubborn about your pervy stuff?"

"It was just a sleeping dart," he said to himself, ignoring her. "Dammit, why didn't I realize?"

"Oi~" she called, rapping his head with her knuckles. She was seated in his desk chair, looking down on him from her vantage point. "Are you ignoring me?"

"How could I, you won't leave me alone," he grumbled in return.

Leaning back, Lamia sighed again in exasperation. "I get worried about your health sometimes, y'know? Not because I care about you or anything," she hastily added, "I just want to keep you healthy, as a doctor. I can't let my patients do whatever they want, it goes against my principles!"

Furuichi smiled a bit. So she cared about his health? Sure, he could live with that. At the very least it made him feel a bit warm inside to know someone was looking out for him. This doctor/patient relationship was just another part of his crazy life. He wouldn't have _that_ if he was normal, now would he?

"Hey, are you going to answer my questions or what? Maybe I could whip up some sort of truth serum... I wonder what I could find out..."

"It hasn't been a minute and you're already thinking of drugging me?" he shouted, jumping right back into his usual pace.

"Just a little something to help you talk easier... it's all a learning experience, really."

"Am I your guinea pig? I thought I was the patient! Make me the patient again!"

"It's not that hard, I bet I could pull it off. It's a bit exciting, dontcha think?" She stuck her tongue out cutely.

"That's not cute at all! Apologize to every other doctor and/or magical voodoo priest for that insolence!"

Lamia clicked her tongue at Furuichi and pouted. "It's all because you won't answer my questions."

"I'll answer. Please don't experiment with my body." If he hadn't been diligently bowing, he would have caught her blushing.

"Now tell me, why do you need all those dirty things?"

"Eh~... I don't really know..." He scratched his head, then turned and saw the pencil and clipboard she had prepared. She made a little movement with her hand, signalling to continue.

"Are you going to write down everything I say?"

"Why wouldn't I? I'm considering taking a class in mental therapy."

"You wouldn't do very well as a therapist."

"And you're not a good patient."

He sighed. "Well, the only reason a teenage boy would have this kind of collec- I mean sometimes rarely pick up one of these books would probably be because he has no chance of doing these things in real life. Real women are just so troubling that it's... barely worth pursuing them." He thought back to the scorn he had received from Oomori, Tanimura and the other Red Tails. "I mean, you try to get close, and then what do they do? They run away from you, kick you, shoot you, blow you up..."

Lamia narrowed her eyes at Furuichi. "You don't think you're... pursuing the wrong girls?"

"Hm?"

"I mean," she said, straightening her hair, "there could be a perfectly kind and beautiful woman just waiting for a... stupid guy like you to fall for her. Maybe you should pay more attention to what's right in front of you."

"Hmmm." Furuichi sat up, staring straight at the tiny pink haired girl in front of him. She looked away hurriedly, somehow burning up under his gaze. _Maybe..._

He got to his feet. "You're right Lamia. How could I overlook what was under my nose the whole time." Furuichi reached down and took her hands in his, ignoring her little gasp of surprise. She trembled in anticipation, afraid of what might come next, her mind racing with this sudden development. Had she made herself too vulnerable by coming into this room? Surely she could just fight him off if he pounced on her, but... maybe it wouldn't be so bad? What was this feeling inside of her, urging her to reach out to him?

The two of them leaned forwards, and for once it seemed as if their minds were finally one.

...

"That's why I'm going out right now to see if I can meet the girl of my dreams!"

What.

"Wow, thanks for the idea, Lamia! I never would have realized that I could just go out on my own, away from all this Ishiyama demon nonsense. Well, wish me luck!" He swiftly dashed out the door and down the stairs, trembling with anticipation of his own. _Finally, a chance! _His heart was jumping in leaps and bounds, elated.

"You're a genius, Lamia!" he yelled from downstairs, whisking on his coat and bursting out the door. It slammed shut behind him, leaving the house in silence again.

Lamia remained seated on the floor, stunned. Her left eye twitched.

"What the fuck?"

* * *

**It has been so long. So very, very long. Like, I came back and my Doc Manager had nearly emptied. Before it had about 30 something chapters of whatever. Now it has 4.  
**

**Before you rage at me for being a real jerk with updates, I was working on this for a while trying to find a follow up story. It took some time, and in the end I scrapped pretty much the entire thing several times. Deciding against creative writing techniques and smart planning, I decided to just have Furuichi arrive home after his battle and see what happened. Turns out he doesn't do much.****  
**

**Oh yeah, Lamia had a gun in the manga which fired all her crazy concoctions, including sleeping darts. It was switched to a toy gun in the anime, but in the manga she carried a legit pistol, and she was definitely not afraid of using it.  
**

**Erohon is basically a Japanese word that I heard in anime and immediately fell in love with. Essentially it means Ero (like erotica) Book (Hon in English is book), so a porn mag. What a wonderful, wonderful word.**

****Review replies, for people who have names but not accounts that I can reply to.****

**panto: Thanks for your support! Hecadoth and Agiel are, as I said, guaranteed to show up eventually, but I like giving Furuichi a Pillar like Kne in combat as a sort of handicap. Furuichi is at his strongest as a character when he is at his weakest, if that makes sense, so that's probably what I'll stick with. I'll keep that personal note in mind though :)  
**

**Aquacharles: I actually didn't know that Furuichi had the zeroth King's Crest, but it appears that you're right. Thanks for correcting me!  
**

**Delvin Dracul: Thanks for this persistent kindness you've given me :D I probably don't deserve all this praise, but I hope this chapter makes up for the huge hiatus I went on for no reason. And yeah, the first thing I thought of when I came up with this idea was definitely his aura cannon move. Pew pew!**

**Hope you enjoyed :)**


	6. Chapter 5

Furuichi made his way down the street, pleasantly humming to himself. In his mind an upbeat tune was playing, singing "Normal girl! Normal girl!"

_That's right, a normal girl! A chance to start fresh! A chance to ignore all the turmoil of the demon/delinquent world! Let's make this story a love comedy instead of a shounen action!_

He stopped abruptly and patted himself down, checking his stats. Hair? Perfect, white as usual. Skin? Flawless. He might as well be an anime character. Clothes? T-shirt and shorts, the epitome of normal. Check, check and check! He was barely worth batting an eyelash over! If what he read in harem manga was true, he should have girls falling all over him now!

Now, to locate a target! He surveyed the street, glancing over the window displays and foodstands, his expert eye picking out every babe in sight.

...

Hold on a second...

If he noticed her, was she really a normal girl? So many times he met a girl on the street only to discover that she was actually an undercover demon or vicious delinquent. Could he trust his hunter's eye anymore after all this time? What if... he let the girl come to him?

Yes, that's perfect! Furuichi clenched his fist, the pieces finally falling into place in his mind. It made so much sense! Confident, he pulled out a convenient chair in front of an open air diner and flopped into the shade of the parasol. Now all he had to do was wait...

Five hours later, Furuichi was yet to be noticed.

Silent tear tracks ran down his cheeks, obscured by the long shadows the setting sun cast over his features. He needed to get home, but his limbs refused to obey him. If he stood up or dared to break his poker face, surely it would all fall apart.

_Why didn't I think of it before? Normal girls don't randomly chat up guys on the street._

The wind cut into his face mercilessly, the lingering winter chill biting into his pale flesh. It turned out that it was still too cold for a t-shirt. Everyone around him was wearing jackets, so he stood out inadvertently.

Everything had gone wrong. He slipped further and further into his chair.

"Excuse me, sir?" An employee at the diner came over to talk to him. Furuichi looked her up and down with renewed vigor. Busty, long black hair, plus an APRON! OOOOOOH! FETISH TARGETTED!

Furuichi bolted upright. "Yes, my lovely lady?"

"We need you to leave. You're taking up seats for our dinner patrons and without buying anything we can't really let you sit there."

He obliged, slumping down below the counter and out of the chair. His bare knees scraped against the ground and his forehead hit the side of the diner. Furuichi fell flat on the ground and resolved to inchworm his way home.

_Raaah, Inchworm-ichi._

"Eh?" A girl's voice sounded from above, stopping him dead in his tracks.

"Eh?" Furuichi turned his head up to look at her, replying with similar confusion.

Taeko Furuna stood before him, perplexed by Inchworm-ichi, undoubtedly fascinated by his elegant wriggling form. Furuichi stared back, a glimmer of recognition flashing in his eye. They both opened their mouths simultaneously to greet each other.

"Who're you?"

Like two sides of a mirror, their jaws dropped.

"How do you not know who I am? You're wearing a St. Ishiyama uniform aren't you? You must have heard of me, seen my face before!"

"What are you talking about?" she replied. "I'm a celebrity there, an important figure in this whole town even! Haven't you heard of Taeko Furuna?"

"Nope. Never. Not once," he answered with a monotone that was one part genuine disbelief, two parts spite.

"How cruel!"

The two of them made a strange sight for any bystander, a highschool girl and boy shouting at each other from two drastically different vantage points. It was as if she was debating with a lizard or snake she found on the side of the road. Or perhaps an inchworm. _Raaah._

"Moreover, haven't you heard of Takayuki Furuichi? The king of Ishiyama High, ruler of the delinquents?"

She snorted a little.

She snorted.

At him.

Furuichi let loose one manly tear.

"Sorry, but I've never heard of anyone by any of those three names." Surely her deadpan was entirely composed of spite. "Sounds like you're delusional to me."

"Me? Some celebrity you are. What do you even do?"

"I'm an MC! An announcer! If you've heard of St. Ishiyama then surely you've been to _some _of the events, right?"

"Remind me..."

"The volleyball match, the X'mas tournament. I was narrating all of that!"

"I just assumed it was the usual square boxes doing the narration."

"NO!" she shouted. "I'm the official announcer! Not just some side character! I have a name and everything!"

"And I'm the deuteragonist, but it looks like neither of us get any recognition!"

"Remind me your name again."

"TA. KA. YU. KI. FU. RU. I. CHI."

"That's far too long. Can I just call you Furu-chin?"

Furuichi sprawled face first on the ground.

_It's starting agaaaaaain._

"Wait a second," he said. "Your name is Furuko, right?"

"Taeko Furuna."

"That's far too long. Can I just call you Furu-chin?"

Furuna fell backwards from the shock.

"No! That name's horrible! I'm getting bad vibes just thinking about it!"

"Hehe, how does it feel?"

"Eugh, how horrible. I feel like utter trash. This is just the worst." She skewed her face in disgust. "I can practically smell the negative connotations of it."

Furuichi put a hand over his heart and bowed his head. "Okay, you can stop now."

Taeko put a hand to her cheek in a sort of lesser face palm. "Ah, I got caught up in the flow. I need to get home." She hoisted a bag of groceries that Furuichi hadn't noticed during their comedy routine onto her shoulder and trotted off, leaving him on the ground. He watched her scamper off, then pushed himself onto his feet with little difficulty.

"Honestly, what a rude girl. Aaaah, but I didn't get to meet any ladies today." He grabbed his arms and shivered. Despite the cold, he wasn't feeling that crushing sadness anymore.

"I guess I'll just try again tomorrow," he said, smiling. The wind whistled through his teeth as he jogged home.

* * *

BANG BANG BANG

Late at night, a knocking came to the door of the Furuichi household. Then there was dead silence. Honoka, who had shot to attention at the sudden sound, wondered if a tree branch or something had fallen. It was rather windy tonight, a resurgence of bad weather in the otherwise peacefully sunny week they'd experienced.

BANG BANG BANG

What could she do? Dive under the covers and wait for her parents to take care of it? No, those two were out like lights every night since she had reached the manageable age of 9, catching up on the many lost hours of sleep she had cost them. What about Onii-chan? Ugh, no, he went to bed with headphones in and unspeakable videos in his ears. _Lullaby of angels_, yeah right.

Actually, was it possible that the banging wasn't at the door? Maybe he was rocking the bed in the adjacent room with that pink haired gi-

BANG BANG BANG

Never mind, he couldn't possibly keep it up for this long. Dammit, she was going to have to go downstairs herself, wouldn't she? Honoka growled a little under her breath and put her feet to the floor before recoiling in terror. _Christ, that's cold! _She searched around a bit, then slid into her slippers.

Carefully, without making a sound, she made her way out of her room and down the steps. Well, not like it would have mattered if she did make a sound, considering no one else was going to answer the door right now. But why wasn't this midnight caller using the doorbell?

Maybe it was someone... too short to reach it?

Oh god.

Was she assisting in a crime by opening the door?

Two feet from the handle, she stopped and thought.

_If the girl is on the other side of this door, I'm assisting in a crime. If a robber is on the other side of this door, I'm assisting in a crime. If a bear is on the other side of this door, I'm not letting him in until he learns to ring the doorbell._

She peeked out the window.

Nobody?

BANG BANG BANG

Somebody.

She threw open the door, ready to receive the pink haired girl and shield her from the cold. _So what, I can't just leave her out in the cold now, can I?_

"Honoka-chaaa~n..."

A frail and shivering older brother was lying on the ground, his face securely nestled in the doormat.

"Honoka, help me up~..."

She stared on in total apathy.

"Get up. You're letting cold air in."

"I'd cry, but I don't want my tears to freeze."

* * *

**Man, brother/sister relationships are so sweet.**

**Honoka and Taeko never got much screen time as characters (though Taeko's voice was heard plenty), which makes them both prime character building space and opportunities for unique interactions not seen in the manga. Additionally, while doing some absent minded research, I remembered that Taeko Furuna is, well, a tsukkomi just like Furuichi! Yes, she is often the one pointing out stupid things that happen in the story, as is Furuichi, which makes their interactions all the more fun to write.**

**To Delvin Dracul-samaaaa~: Wow, I just love how passionate you always are. Brightens my day right up :) I'd say that Furuichi definitely interacts rather well with demons, even the male ones, which is something I'd like to push in this fic. His desire for a normal life just won't cut it, considering just how good he is at his job, so if there's a soulmate for Furuichi it's probably not a human soul ;) That being said, it's always fun to explore new ship territory, so I hope you can bear with Lamia not exactly being a MAIN love interest.**

**(As a side note, don't be so hard on poor Alaindelon, he just wants to help ._. )**

**Sorry that this chapter's shorter than the others (I think, I'd have to check), but the chance encounter was a spur of the moment idea I had. Hope you guys have a good day anyway, everyday and all day, hope you push your luck all the way, hope you have luck always, maybe just a little gay, happy birthday, more things that rhyme with -ay. Thanks for reading, leave a review if you have anything to say (vent your frustrations, free of charge!) and hope you enjoyed.**

**K bye**

**10/7/15 Edit: Dracul-sama, it shall be done.**


	7. Chapter 6

**Okay, this chapter is going to be a little more serious than the others. I had a pretty good idea for a grimdark storyline, so just sit back and enjoy this trip into the depths of Furuichi's soul.**

* * *

"I always knew this day would come..." Furuichi grunted, the wound in his side gaping and causing spasms of pain to run across his ribs.

"Hihihi~ What can I say, I long for a thrill!"

Saying this, the redhaired demon with twintails and scanty clothes kicked him once more, sending him flying across the room. He crashed into a counter and heard a loud cracking noise from his back, then fell to the floor. Frantically gasping for air, he fumbled for his pocket, seeking out his ultimate weapon. The empty space that greeted his fingertips made his heart drop.

"Gone..." He snapped his neck in her direction and shouted at his attacker. "When did you take them?! When did you take the tissues?! ANSWER ME, AGIEL!"

In response Agiel giggled, at first softly, then hysterically. Her shrieks of joy echoed around the empty science room, scraping across his ears like the shattered glass in the windows. How Furuichi always managed to get himself into intense battles in empty classrooms during school hours, he may never know.

"What, do you mean these?"

There they were.

In her perfectly manicured hands.

The demon contract tissues.

"As I thought, you're no good without these tissues! What a shame, it looks like the General won't be calling for help any time soon!"

That evil, evil demon girl. He would never forgive her for this. When he was done with this, he'd give her back a thousand times worse!

...if he got out in one piece, that is.

She tightly clenched the tissues in one hand and lifted her sword in the other, cackling under her breath. Furuichi recoiled, desperately dragging himself backwards to escape the point of the blade. He tried to lift himself off the floor, but Agiel's sword darted around and struck his side. She shook her finger and giggled.

"No no no, no running now." But there was nowhere left to crawl! He had been forced into a corner, the handle of a drawer poking into his back. Various science instruments were situated on the counters around him, but everything was just a little too far out of his reach. All he could see on the floor was headless matches and empty bottles of ammonia, frayed string and the shreds of hand-sharpened pencils.

No weapon. No tissues. No plan. He was at the end of the line.

How did things manage to come to this? It all started earlier that day...

* * *

Furuichi was walking down the school corridor when he spotted a familiar face. Well, not just a familiar face. A familiar set of boots, familiar coat, familiar thighs, and immensely familiar breasts were coming directly at him at a brisk pace.

"Oh, hey Agiel. What are you doing at school during the daytime? Do you have some business he-"

Suddenly, she threw him through the window of the science room.

* * *

...and that was how things managed to come to this.

Wait, what the hell? He didn't have time to flashback five minutes into his past!

Filled with the sudden urge to tsukkomi, Furuichi cried out again at Agiel. "Why? Why are you betraying me like this?"

She bent over in front of him, exposing her cleavage. Furuichi wished he could say he was more concerned with her breasts than the sword pointed at his neck.

"You've become complacent, 'General'. I've been so bored waiting for you to come and test your mettle against us, but you think everything's okay if you can call on us at the drop of a hat. That's not how our relationship works." She grinned madly. "I liked that Aoi girl better. She knew the only way to keep your allies is to beat them!"

She stabbed the cabinet behind Furuichi.

"Now tell me," she snickered, holding the tissues high above her head, "What you'll do without these tissues?"

Please don't say it like that. You make me sound like a superhero with the lamest kryptonite ever. He wanted to tsukkomi so badly, but that would probably get him killed! Instead, he carefully muttered to himself.

"So... if I beat you here..." A glimmer of ingenuity flashed through his eyes, and he smiled through the sharp pain in his waist.

"Eh?" Agiel's eyebrows raised in surprise, but she didn't stop smiling. This was what she craved, the exciting battle with the famed General.

"You picked the wrong place to throw me, Agiel."

"What do you mean by that?"

"I don't know how much you know about delinquent schools, but there is no such thing as learning here. However, they do have a use for the science room."

As Furuichi spoke, he moved his face closer and closer to Agiel's, going on the offensive in this battle of slasher smiles. Using this maneuver as cover, he subtly opened the cabinet behind him. Yes, she was wavering!

"The truth is, the only thing a delinquent needs the science room for... IS A STINK BOMB!"

"What."

He snatched a glass jar from the cabinet behind him and smashed it open on the ground next to him. Glass shards shattered everywhere and a rancid odor began to fill the room. Ammonium sulfide spilled over the ground and sneaked up towards her nose, bringing tears to her eyes. The impact of the stench was so powerful that she could feel it forcing her stomach to contract.

Was the smell meant to incapacitate her? As if. Keeping a firm grip on her sword, Agiel grabbed her nose with the other hand and kicked Furuichi once again in the solar plexus. There would be no escape for him yet. Face down on the ground, Furuichi clenched his nose firmly and tried not to let go from the pain he was feeling. If he let go, he would lose!

Agiel hissed, trying her best not to choke on the foul flavor. "Was that your big plan? A stink bomb?"

"Yes."

He sounded ridiculous with his nose plugged like that, but his words were clearly triumphant. He turned to face her, smirking, and she gasped.

His nostrils were blocked with white paper.

When did he get the tissues back?

Furuichi stood up shakily as Agiel fell to the floor, acknowledging her defeat.

"You dropped them when you grabbed your nose. Looks like I win this round. SUMMON!"

The warmth of demonic power surged into him, filling his veins with explosive power. He could feel some of his wounds beginning to heal himself. With a demon of this caliber, he could definitely beat her!

"Prepare yourself, Agiel!" Furuichi struck a kung fu pose and turned to her, ready for combat.

"Um, I'm over here."

What? Furuichi turned and noticed Agiel on his back.

"When did you get behind me! Ninja! How could your power level rise so dramatically in such a short time?"

"Actually, I didn't do this on purpose, believe it or not..."

Furuichi looked at the ghostly Agiel behind him, then at the other Agiel on the floor. Two Agiels?

"How did you learn the copy jutsu in such a short time?"

"Idiot. You summoned me."

Furuichi stroked his chin pensively. "Well, that makes more sense."

"Dammit, what are the odds of that?!" Agiel pulled at her twin braids in frustration, gnashing her teeth and clawing at her face.

"Technically speaking? Approximately one out of three hundred ninety seven. Although I think it's weighted slightly more towards stronger members of the 34 Pillar Division."

"AAAAARGH!"

Furuichi ignored the fuming Agiel and turned his attention to her unconscious body. Clearing the disgusting scent of ammonium sulfide with a demon enhanced wave of his hand (like a regular wave, but with more vigor), he cautiously eyed her full breasts and seductive waist. Furuichi reached a hand out tentatively.

"What are you doing."

Agiel deadpanned at him from behind, startling Furuichi. Oh yeah, she was still there. But then again...

"None of your business! I have to punish you for disobeying me, don't I?"

"That sounds like a line straight out of a hentai manga. We didn't have that kind of master/slave relationship before, did we?"

"Yes, we did! We totally did!" Furuichi was getting a little frantic, torn between the primal urge to grab where he pleased and the gripping desire to finish his conversation with Agiel like a gentleman before moving on to other, more important matters. "I'm in control now, am I not?"

"You're breathing rather heavily there. Did you imagine me in a maid costume?"

"That's ridiculous. Why would I mentally put more clothes on you?"

Agiel considered for a moment, then gave up. No matter which iteration of maid was chosen, it would still be a notable increase in fabric. She shrugged and contented herself with glaring down at him with reproach.

Furuichi's heart was beating a million miles an hour. What if she called his bluff? No, she probably wouldn't understand: the appeal of maid fetishism far outweighed her usual semi-nudity, especially since she usually went around in that skimpy outfit. Less is not always more! This is a basic tenet of sexynomics!

He clapped his hands together and did a bow in front of Agiel's body. "Itadakimasu."

"Oh no you don't!" Agiel grabbed his head and tried to jerk it to the side, but to no avail. Ferociously she bit and scratched at him, stuck her fingers up his nose and around his neck. However, Furuichi remained unscathed. She was entirely immaterial to him.

"You cannot harm me here, demon." Ooh, that was kind of cool. Like an old samurai.

"Stop! I'll put a curse on you!"

"Calm down. This will be..." He turned to her and gave a thumbs up with a brilliant smile. "...thrilling."

"That was the least cool thing I've ever seen! No! Stop!"

Too late. Furuichi's hands flew to her tantalizing flesh.

"Furuichi."

He froze in midair. Slowly, hesitantly, like a door turning on a rusty hinge, he looked up.

Staring down at him through the broken window was Nene Omori.

"Ne-ne-ne-ne-ne-ne-ne-ne-ne-ne-ne-ne-ne-ne-ne-ne-ne-ne-ne-ne-"

"I came because I smelled something awful and heard some guy talking to himself in an empty classroom. And what do I see?" Her eyes were hidden by the shade of her bangs, an extraordinary feat which inspired dread in all who witnessed it. From below the window frame she drew a loop of chain, scraping wickedly against the floor as she pulled them up for him to see.

"You've got balls, you son of a bitch."

"Where'd you get this one from?" Agiel asked, her grin widening by the second. This chesire cat demon...

"I assure you, it's not what it looks like! I was just... she's a demon! She attacked me!"

Nene raised an eyebrow, her glare softening but not quite relaxing.

"And you were going to touch her because...?"

"...to search for hidden weapons?"

"You were very clearly going for her breasts."

"...to search for hidden weapons?"

"She's wearing a bikini."

"..."

"And there is a knife strapped to her leg."

"I was going to get to that." Those succulent thighs had not evaded his sight. He was almost offended Nene would assume such.

"I'm sure you were." Oh, she knew. Never mind.

Furuichi took one last look at the prize he had almost acquired, then stood up and turned to leave. Seeking out the classroom he was supposed to be in right now, he and Nene walked leisurely together. If not for her death glare, it may even have been relaxing.

"And it reeks in there. What were you doing?"

"Taking care of a low level random encounter."

"I resent that," Agiel chimed in, but Nene obviously couldn't hear her.

...

"So when can I go back to my body?"

"Quiet," Furuichi mumbled. "This is your punishment."

"Kyaaa~ noooo~"

* * *

**Just kidding. Did I trick you with that first A/N? No? Well, aren't you a little smarty pants.**

**Fun fact: Ammonia and match heads left in a jar for a while make that rancid smelling ammonium sulfide that Furuichi smashes on the ground. Fun fact number 2: The method Furuichi uses to defeat Agiel has been done before; Marvel's all-powerful squirrel girl used it a while back to defeat a villain.**

**I think that's my favorite part about Furuichi, he's very silver age. Defeating his enemies should be more a test of wit and a little dumb luck than a clash of demon powers. That's why he's been my favorite since the pool episode. That kind of character has always been the most fun for me, so forgive me if he's changed a little from canon-ichi over the course of this story.  
**

**Then again, the scene afterwards? That's some pretty classic Furuichi.**

**To Delvin Dracul: I read all of those fics and they were amazing! I was almost inspired to write some wish fulfillment fluff, but I held myself back because whenever I do that I have to delete all of it by morning (I can write some pretty terrible stuff when I'm high on fanfics)**

**In other news, I was thinking of continuing last chapter's little Taeko mini-arc, ****but this spur of the moment idea was too good to pass up. Funny, it seems most of my fics start like that: a silly interaction that leads to nothing whatsoever. Writing a comedy series is great!  
**

**Hope you guys enjoyed this ish ('cos dats wot da kool kidz sez) and have a wonderful day! :DDDDD  
**


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